and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
