is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
