Please, let me fuck your mom
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
