I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
