Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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