we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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