he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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