It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
