I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
