Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
