My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
