Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
