So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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