I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
