I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
