Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
