i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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