I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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