so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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