but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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