she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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