Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
