Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
