she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
