Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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