How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
