he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
