Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
This house was built for laser tag.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
