In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
