don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
