just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
