he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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