nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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