I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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