I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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