Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
