period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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