you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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