I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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