my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
