Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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