grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
