Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
