My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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