I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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