dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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