she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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