bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
