I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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