porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
