You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
