so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
i need some magic done to my vagina
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
