Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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